“it’s not you, it’s me”
i am a little confused. a little angry. a little disappointed.
the contemplative part is whether it’s just me on a super early menopause state or if i feel like this for the right reasons. i don’t know if i tend to blow things out of proportion or maybe i am overly sensitive.
i don’t know if i take frustrations out on the right people.
i think it’s hard not to expect things that are possible due to past events that just don’t happen anymore for different reasons.
maybe it’s because i hate being dependent on others to make my day brighter, but it seems that the way things are with me financially, personally, educationally, mentally – i feel like i have to be since i can’t do it for myself.
maybe i think i deserve more than i actually do and that i’m not as selfless as i may come off to be.
maybe i’m missing something and i’m forcing it too much to be there
i’m really not sure what to do about it and there’s only so much i can do for myself.
i really really really don’t enjoy this whole dependent thing especially when there isn’t much on the giving end…
those are the thoughts in my mind right now. unfortunately. i must say – i don’t remember the last time i’ve felt like this
